So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
