if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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