Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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