So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
