My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
