i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Operation Purity has been aborted
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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