Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
