Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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