Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
