I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
