It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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