why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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