my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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