its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
