i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
