Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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