She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
