He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Randomize
