Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
