Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
