I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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