If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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