Texts From Last Night

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  (760): View more from California

  new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.

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  (760): new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever. http://tfl.nu/8efz
  Replies (33) Good night (662) Bad night (8102)
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  (325): View more from Texas

  suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea

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  (325): suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea http://tfl.nu/q0e7
  Replies (21) Good night (980) Bad night (4681)
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  (559): View more from California

  he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.

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  (559): he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me. http://tfl.nu/5jau
  Replies (18) Good night (4651) Bad night (1234)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.

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  (609): You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line. http://tfl.nu/s6mt
  Replies (27) Good night (2810) Bad night (1812)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.

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  (605): You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex. http://tfl.nu/lyw2
  Replies (10) Good night (4848) Bad night (917)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.

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  (317): Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success. http://tfl.nu/9gb8
  Replies (9) Good night (3841) Bad night (1107)
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday

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  (763): i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday http://tfl.nu/8jt2
  Replies (3) Good night (2074) Bad night (843)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..

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  (815): It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar.. http://tfl.nu/fcka
  Replies (0) Good night (1343) Bad night (742)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.

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  (678): All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know. http://tfl.nu/jvfd
  Replies (6) Good night (1266) Bad night (994)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.

  (802): View more from Vermont

  So basically you were a dog.

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  (860): This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground. (802): So basically you were a dog. http://tfl.nu/0n1s
  Replies (14) Good night (8285) Bad night (966)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed

  (949): View more from California

  Someone's stooooned

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  (714): I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed (949): Someone's stooooned http://tfl.nu/d50z
  Replies (13) Good night (1913) Bad night (568)
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.

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  (319): I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy. http://tfl.nu/xw2e
  Replies (5) Good night (1296) Bad night (371)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!

  (770): View more from Georgia

  Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.

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  (678): Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it! (770): Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you. http://tfl.nu/kg3y
  Replies (10) Good night (1843) Bad night (452)
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  (+92): View more from

  Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?

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  (+92): Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from? http://tfl.nu/pk33
  Replies (1) Good night (301) Bad night (212)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place

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  (714): So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place http://tfl.nu/9hat
  Replies (5) Good night (669) Bad night (230)

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