my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
We need a shit load of segways right now
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????