i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
