Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
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i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED