Texts From Last Night

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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.

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  (413): I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together. http://tfl.nu/48v7
  Replies (20) Good night (6108) Bad night (1024)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.

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  (410): I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think. http://tfl.nu/cvjv
  Replies (16) Good night (4414) Bad night (1481)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.

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  (651): It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks. http://tfl.nu/wi6e
  Replies (12) Good night (806) Bad night (3862)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.

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  (757): It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean. http://tfl.nu/z8cg
  Replies (22) Good night (803) Bad night (4712)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.

  (905): View more from Ontario

  I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.

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  (705): She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that. (905): I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory. http://tfl.nu/dnea
  Replies (8) Good night (4875) Bad night (1372)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.

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  (719): Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence. http://tfl.nu/tuvm
  Replies (15) Good night (4254) Bad night (1205)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer

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  (267): Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer http://tfl.nu/2v54
  Replies (26) Good night (4888) Bad night (1245)
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal

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  (251): Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal http://tfl.nu/vqqo
  Replies (12) Good night (2960) Bad night (1045)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?

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  (313): I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night? http://tfl.nu/g93i
  Replies (7) Good night (1702) Bad night (657)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?

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  (301): When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off? http://tfl.nu/hj8l
  Replies (4) Good night (1044) Bad night (642)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!

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  (410): Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way! http://tfl.nu/jf3p
  Replies (1) Good night (588) Bad night (336)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."

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  (305): I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season." http://tfl.nu/ns3v
  Replies (2) Good night (808) Bad night (308)
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.

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  (321): Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up. http://tfl.nu/21lu
  Replies (3) Good night (444) Bad night (667)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.

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  (505): i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me. http://tfl.nu/ohrd
  Replies (3) Good night (446) Bad night (859)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.

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  (724): A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume. http://tfl.nu/l1hl
  Replies (1) Good night (1098) Bad night (345)

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