You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.