I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
