dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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