No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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