6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
