The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
