Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
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