I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
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