garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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