I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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