Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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