so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
