good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
