I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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