someone get that fucking seahorse.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
