i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
NoShamevember. You game?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
