Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
