it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
