I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
