i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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