yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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