Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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