Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
