i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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