I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
