I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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