great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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