new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
This is the prime rib incident all over again
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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