Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
