I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
