did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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