I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
