dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
