Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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