nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
