i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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