Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
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