I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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