Will you blow on my dice?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
