my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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