I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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