i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
