I am in a vortex of obligation.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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