I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
