Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
