i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
