office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
