my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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