I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
