yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
