she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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