I want to have your abortion
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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