Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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