I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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