She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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