I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
They took my balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize