if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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