Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize